And the fatass of the year award goes tooooooo, me..

I don't get it. I've loost weight but it feels like I have more fat now than before..... maybe my muscle is turning into fat.. either way I'm a fucking hippo. Not to mention how much blood I've lost from cutting, that's another pound itself! Like seriously.. I shoul just do everyone a favor and kill myself now.

Those emptyness feelings<3

So over the last few days I haven't been eating much- I haven't wanted food. Today at lunch I had a sandwhich. I had like three bites and then threw the rest away. My stomach is growling all the time but I feel full, its soooo weird, but I love the feeling<3

Well.. is it?

90210 girls♥

 

Do whatever the fuck you want because either way people are going to tell you it's the wrong choice.

You know what? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people. I'm sick of society. I'm sick of all the bullshit. You know what I'm sick of the most? I'm sick of hypocrisy. Yeah, we all do it but that doesn't mean we should. People tell you to be yourself and then they judge you for it. No matter what you do you'll always be in the wrong. Wearing short-shorts make you a slut. Doing good in school makes you a try-hard. Smoking makes you a rebel. Drinking makes you young and stupid. Being a teen mom means you've ruined your life and a disgrace. Being gay is a sin and you should be ashamed. Being overweight makes you fat and lazy but trying to lose weight makes you anorexic. Wearing makeup makes you fake but if you don't wear it you're ugly. If you're depressed you should tell someone but if you do you're an attention-seeker and dont know real pain. If you cry you're a woss but if you don't you're heartless. If you tell the truth you're a bitch but if you lie you're untrustworthy. If you're friends with people you don't like you're a backstabber but if you're not you're a drama-starter. If you don't agree with society's opinion of beauty you're an outcast but if you do you're vain. People ask you to voice your opinions but when you do you're wrong. I could go on and on about every comparison in the world but there's no point, every situation in life is like you're "damned if you do, damned if you don't" so you might as well just be youself and if someone doesn't like it get the hell over it!

Guilty about eating,

Yupp, I feel sooooooo guilty!!! I've eaten over my cal limits cause I was forced to get fast food for lunch, but I still feel empty! Like my stomach is growling and it shouldn't be! Is this a good thing I wonder??

Nightmares/Night Terrors, am I the only one?

Its said that night terrors occur more often when there is a mental disibility - depression, eating disorders, etc. I am almost positive that I've had them, espically around June of this year and throughout the summer. Id be bolting out of bed, not usually asleep for long, and be terrified.
My biggest problem, however, are my nightmares. I'm pretty sure I can even dream anymore. I have them so often that a lot of them don't even bother me anymore. But there's one particular one I've noticed reoccuring lately, basically I get a small injury/cut, I have to get dirt out or I pick at the scab, and suddenly the wound is opening, wider and wider, deeper and deeper, until I see the inside of my body, bones and all. The worst part is that I am completely aware what is going to happen, in the dream I'm telling myself to stop, but its like its out of my controll. Its disturbing and I really wish I knew how to stop them. I always wake up right when its getting really gory, but there's still the feelings of fear and mixed emotions.. I hate it! I don't even wanna go to sleep! it doesn't help that I never sleep well, and always wake up 684397436 times a night!!