My life is really shitty right now.... every time I start to lose weight I end up gaining back half of it, I'm not doing the best in school, I feel like a complete failure in life, whenever I go to practice I feel fat and slow and I can never run as fast as everyone else, my group of friends had a huge fight so I spend a lot of my time alone now, my very best friend who is like a sister is always working on projects so I never see her, after my major summer heartbreak I can't even look at guys now, I got my very first "good morning beautiful" text, and the guy lives three hours away and has a girlfriend, everything is going wrong and it feels like people and trying to make my life bad... I have no motivation for anything anymore... I've even started cutting again, not too bad.. but self harm is self harm.. no matter how little. My life is basically the same as it was this time last year, except now I'm fatter. I can't go through this again but I don't know what to do. Self harming is something I said id never do again... I was already in the hospital for it once. Most nights I just cry myself to sleep and hope tomrrow will be better.. but it never is. Its like a butterfly effect - once one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong.....
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