I love the holidays, the meals taste good, but no matter what you do you end up overeating and being fat. :/ either way, I guess today is the day to be thankful.. so I'm thankful I havnt been gaining weight, and for my family and friends.
Monday, 8 October 2012
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Master cleanse / lemonaide
http://themastercleanse.org/the-lemonade-diet/
This is the link I've found to the best info on this "diet". The website is devoted to the master cleanse. I don't know any suscessful, thin, cronic dieter that doesn't go through this. Its basically a must to be thin!
http://lifetrainingonline.com/blog/lemonade-diet-recipe.htm
Is also a good website!
I can barely get through the day..
My life is really shitty right now.... every time I start to lose weight I end up gaining back half of it, I'm not doing the best in school, I feel like a complete failure in life, whenever I go to practice I feel fat and slow and I can never run as fast as everyone else, my group of friends had a huge fight so I spend a lot of my time alone now, my very best friend who is like a sister is always working on projects so I never see her, after my major summer heartbreak I can't even look at guys now, I got my very first "good morning beautiful" text, and the guy lives three hours away and has a girlfriend, everything is going wrong and it feels like people and trying to make my life bad... I have no motivation for anything anymore... I've even started cutting again, not too bad.. but self harm is self harm.. no matter how little. My life is basically the same as it was this time last year, except now I'm fatter. I can't go through this again but I don't know what to do. Self harming is something I said id never do again... I was already in the hospital for it once. Most nights I just cry myself to sleep and hope tomrrow will be better.. but it never is. Its like a butterfly effect - once one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong.....
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay than it's not the end. - Paolo Coelho
Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mum this. Your mum goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it.
Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name.
Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mummy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.”
Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mum, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry.
Your mum crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves.
Your teachers think they were too hard on you.
Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you.
That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.
Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school.
Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out.
It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot.
Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.
Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days.
It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counsellor therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now.
That boy that used to tease you cuts himself.
Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love any more and just sleeps around with girls.
Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide.
Your parents? Their marriage fell apart.
Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death.
Your mum got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone.
Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are.
Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.
A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mum this. Your mum goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it.
Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name.
Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mummy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.”
Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mum, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry.
Your mum crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves.
Your teachers think they were too hard on you.
Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you.
That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are.
Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school.
Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out.
It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot.
Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.
Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days.
It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counsellor therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now.
That boy that used to tease you cuts himself.
Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love any more and just sleeps around with girls.
Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide.
Your parents? Their marriage fell apart.
Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death.
Your mum got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.
People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone.
Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are.
Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Repeating my old diet plan!
I've decided that the best way to eat little calories is to revert back to my "fool proof diet and exercise plan" ( http://teenage-ana.blogspot.ca/2012/02/fool-proof-diet-exercise-plan.html?m=1 ) with a few little tweeks. Did anyone else use this? If you did let me know how it ended! It worked for meee :)
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Well I can only go down from here!
doing sooo good! I'm a lot more in controll now than I was before. The only time I really eat is when I have to (with friends for sleepovers, outings with school/groups, etc.) Unfortunately, then it's usually junk food to eat... but I'm still doing good! I was up to 140lbs, and now I'm 131lbs. It's not as fast as I wanted to lose weight.. but I haven't been gaining at all. I just can't wait to get rid of all this fat.
My throat still kills from purging the other day.. if anyone has tips to avoid that PLEASE share! It seriously kills. I had takeout for lunch and was the bathroom for 30mins getting it all up.
Also, if anyone wants an Ana/Mia buddy do comment on here :)
My throat still kills from purging the other day.. if anyone has tips to avoid that PLEASE share! It seriously kills. I had takeout for lunch and was the bathroom for 30mins getting it all up.
Also, if anyone wants an Ana/Mia buddy do comment on here :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)